let God mess it up.

2016.

the year that did not go at all how I had planned. at this time last year, I had so many hopes and dreams that were going to be fulfilled that year. I was going to work at a summer camp in Colorado. I was going to be an RA at my school. I was going to go out and make a difference. I was going to do great things. I was going to return to school in the fall and it was going to be the best semester yet.

but, God had other plans through all the closed doors, unmet expectations and the struggles. he taught me about grace.

friends. even though life may be hard and there are struggles and you spend many nights crying out why. He loves you though it all. He does. and He has a plan. He does. and He won't leave you to wrestle alone. He won't. And He will carry you through. He will.

recently I have been looking to God for direction. He lead me to Luke 1, and the angel's visit to Mary.

think about what Mary had planned for her life. she probably had so many hopes and dreams that were going to be fulfilled in the upcoming year; she was going to marry Jospeh. she was going to start a family. she had plans for her life that I think did not include an angel visit and the implications that followed, like becoming pregnant with the Messiah, town gossip, visit to Elizabeth and Zachariah, traveling to Bethlehem and having her God-child in a stable.

but think if she said no to the struggles, pain and heartache. think if she thought her plans were better than God's and told him no. what if ...

sometimes we have to let God mess up our carefully made plans so He can fulfill His plans in and through us. 

I pray that in this upcoming year. 2017. I will respond the same way that Mary does:

"I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

although this is easy to say, it is not easy to live out. what does being the Lord's servant look like lived out in your life?

as I reflect, I remember that I say this many times but I don't live it out. I say to God "its okay for you to mess up my plans. I'll follow you." but then I take back control. and I get upset when things don't go according to MY plans. and then I remember and then I pray and then I take back control. and repeat.

and still He loves me. and still He has patience with me. and still He has a plan for me. and still He chooses to use me through it all.

this, my friends, is amazing grace.

may this new year be filled with grace. grace to see how God is working in and through the struggles fulfill HIS purposes.