abiding.

home.

the farm.

west michigan.

my family.

the place I longed to be at when I lived in mexico for 5 months.

the place that I lovingly refer to as my little piece of heaven.

the place where I am known. the place where I am loved. the place where I have a place and purpose. the place that taught me so much about work, about diligence, about life. the place that I call home.

- - -

I was told that when I arrived home and settled into life here again, I would be wrecked for the ordinary. I was told that I wouldn't be able to live the 9-5 life anymore (I mean here on the farm it's more like 7am-9pm, hah!). I was told it would be hard to adjust. I was encouraged to get counseling to help me walk through this transition. I was encouraged to stay in mexico and continue with the mission work there.

yet, here I am, transitioning back into this "normal" life here in west michigan.

and it's hard.

and this is where the devil attacks. he tells me that it's "more christian" to live in mexico and serve God there. he tells me that here you aren't involved with as much ministry as you were there so are you even a christian anymore? he reminds me on the days that I am busy, busy with the farm and my job at harbor house and school and babysitting and seeing my friends, that I didn't take enough time to read my bible, pray and journal.

I know.

my head tells my heart that these are lies.

and yet, some days, my heart still believes the lies.

and its hard.

its hard to find joy and purpose in the working on the farm, in the prepping of upcoming college classes, in the everyday mundane.

on those days, I remember. I flip through old journals. I find the pages that I wrote in mexico. I read the promises that God reminded me of while I lived there. and I rest there.

 I remember how He showed Himself oh so faithful. I remember the ways He showed me His love. I remember the lessons He taught my heart. I remember what He spoke over and into my life.

I remember that one night. that one night when a team was there. it was map night, the night where we laid out a giant map and prayed for this world. and I just sat there. I was tired. it had been a long week. and I wasn't ready for the next one to begin. and while I sat there, exhausted, one word came into my head. it was on repeat.

held.

just be held.

and so I cling to that. to that promise that He is holding me. He is holding me close.

 He held me there, He carried me through those hot days. He carried me through those long weeks. He carried me through those struggles. He carried me through those frustrations. He carried me through the good times and the hard times in tijuana, mexico.

and He is holding me.

and He is reminding me here of Truths about who He is, about who He has created me to be and how He is calling me to live.

- -

the other day the sermon at church was about the calling of saul. and how, when God called to him on that road to damascus, he now understood the fulfillment of all the old testament promises. God had finally done what He had promised to do in sending a messiah. YESUAH CAME and TABERNACLED AMONG US.

after this new calling, saul, now called paul, went away in arabia [galatians 1:17] and then, after threats to his life in jerusalem, paul was sent home to tarsus by the brothers in jerusalem.

"it is believed that after paul's conversion, he went home to tarsus to work in his family's business, to study and to abide in Christ...[during this time] paul asks God to confirm what His vision for his life is. [then] paul went off to the known world and preached the gospel of Jesus Christ and became the greatest missionary that ever lived."

paul goes home to work with his family's business of tent making.

paul studies.

paul learns how to abide in Christ in his everyday, daily life.

then.

he goes out to the world and preaches Christ.

but it is only after he allows himself to rest, to abide in Christ, to be held, to be reminded of Truth.

paul had no idea that he would be called to travel throughout the known world and become the greatest missionary that ever lived. he was faithful. he trusted God's plan and learned how to live for Him so that when the time was right, God called him and he was ready to go.

- -

and so.

here I am.

at home, on the farm, in west michigan. working. studying. abiding.

now I am not claiming to be paul nor am I hoping one day to becoming the second greatest missionary that ever lived. but a lot can be learned from the life of paul. he trusted God in the everyday, mundane of working in the tent-making business with his family. he was faithful in the little things. he didn't know that God was going to one day call him to travel the known world and preach Christ crucified. he didn't know what lay ahead. he was just faithful where God had placed him for the moment.

and so I trust that same God. that same God who called paul is the same God who calls me and you to abide in Him.

be held.

and so, whether God calls me to stay here or to go, I will be faithful. I trust Him.

"it is no longer I who live, it is Christ who lives in me." [galatians 2:20]