home again.

so, now i am home. and it feels good and yet it's hard. it's the same and yet it's different. 

i start to ask myself if i really lived in Mexico for 5 weeks. and then i look at pictures and remind myself that i did. and while i was there i learned a lot but what good does that do in my life now? 

what good does learning something do in your life if you aren't going to apply it? 

in the airplane (after waking up late, speeding to the airport, running through the security, tripping over my shoes, falling and getting to my gate just in time...) i started to cry. i cried tears of gratitude. i cried tears of sadness. i cried tears of thankfulness for God's leading. i cried tears of leaving. i cried tears of love. i cried tears of why am i crying? 

and after those tears i decided that i wanted to change. i wanted to put into practice what i learned. and so i wrote it all down:

what i learned that i want to do:

-learn spanish (learn to think in it!)

-take a seminary class

-research counseling

-research foster care and things that i would need for that.

-maybe volunteer with bethany christian services.

-read the bible more. like the actual bible, not just devotionals. read the psalms. daily.

*remember not to do too many things and not do them well. just choose a few things and do them well. even the “shallow and mundane.”

*also remember that God has given you a passion and a purpose that are intertwined. His will for you isn’t a thin fine line that you have to search for; live your life for God and with God and THAT is His purpose for you!”

things i want to change in my life:

-answer nicely and kindly. each person has feelings. build each other up.

-be more genuine and learn to love like Jesus Christ.

-use my time wisely. (what you spend your time on, defines you) each moment honor God even if you are just “sitting around or waiting in the car or WHATEVER YOU DO.”

-stop living a fake life on facebook. "the thing you spend the most time on is the thing that molds you most." 

-stay in better contact with people. take time for them...just like you want people to take time for you. (“let’s go out for coffee...let’s skype... etc.”) “do to others...”

-hunger for God Himself. hunger for His Word. hunger for more fellowship with Him. 

-stop my sinful habits. (hebrews 10:26) claim a truth and stand on that promise. come back to this truth daily. the Word of God is powerful!

things i learned:

-each day is important. each moment is a gift. this should drastically change the way you live.

-God loves people and you are an imitator of Him. LOVE PEOPLE.

-live by faith. even when things don’t make sense. follow Him in everything, daily.

-that breakfast can be more than just peanut butter and blackberry jam :)

-do things and be crazy! have fun! live your life to the fullest! 

-God does not forget His people. Psalm 13

-the church is a place of worship, growth and fellowship with those around you. but also, even if you don’t “feel” like going, God commands us to go. Worship isn’t about you, it’s about Jesus. 

-live your life in the “shallowness” don’t wait to live for Jesus only in the “profound.”

-redeem your time.

*apply these in your life. “don’t merely listen to the Word...do what it says.” James 1:22 

i realized that writing those things down while i was still away helps me now to fully remember what God taught me while in Mexico. and i pray that posting these things here will keep me accountable and remind me to change. to fully change. 

i don't want to become like the man in James 1:23-24 "...who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

Lord God, please help me change. and grow closer to you.

memories made in mexico (cuatro)

i am going to be completely honest.

sometimes i just don't feel like blogging. sometimes i blog to make me look like a good christian. sometimes the week speeds by and i didn't learn anything worth blogging about. sometimes i make something up just to keep up my good christian image. but life is real. sometimes life is hard. sometimes the needs of the day make me so tired that it is much easier to go to bed without kneeling to pray. sometimes skies are grey and it is much easier to wish the day was over without doing anything important. 

and so i am laying here on my bed thinking of all the things i should be doing while the kids are having quiet time but because of the grey skies i don't feel like doing school or devotions or anything of importance. and so i sit on facebook. facebook is my past-time that is a time-eater. it seems like i have enough "energy" for facebook but not enough energy for God. how dumb. how selfish.

but with God's help, my dear little cousins are teaching me SO much without even know it!

everyday, they wake up with such enthusiasm. throughout the day, in whatever we are doing, they are excited. after quiet time, they can't wait to start playing again and they dread bed time because they have to calm down and stop having fun.


even if skies are grey, they are full of smiles. even during the rain, they are filled with joy. in whatever they are doing, they do it to the best of their ability and with 100% energy.

and this reminds me of something that we did a few weeks ago despite the grey clouds and rain.

it was monday, the day that they treat as their sabbath and that they do something fun and different. we had been planning for a while that this particular monday we would go the lake. and you guessed it. it was raining but we decided to go anyway and maybe it wouldn't be raining at the lake because it was 3 hours away. and so we packed up midst the rain, jumped into the car and the kids were so excited to be going to the lake even in the rain!


when we got there the skies were grey and it was sprinkling but we were NOT to be deterred! even though the locals probably thought we were crazy and even though i thought we were crazy, we all put on our bathing suits and went swimming in the rain (thankfully there was not thunder or lightning)! the lake is spring-fed and so it was nice and warm even warmer than the air! we had such a great time and had the whole lake to ourselves!

and the whole time my cousins were laughing and swimming and playing and having a grand 'ole time despite the weather and the 'not-so-fun' conditions.

...okay, so back to the grey skies of today. sometimes, it is hard to make the grey skies and the rainy day as fun as that one day at the lake. and like i said before, sometimes you just don't feel like it. but in Psalm 118:24 it says,

"TODAY is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." 

it just hit me. this verse doesn't say "...let us rejoice 'if we feel like it' and be glad..." and it doesn't say "' most days' are the day that the Lord has made..." it says "TODAY is the day that the Lord has made. LET US rejoice AND BE GLAD in it." 


each and every day is a day that God has made for you. even the days with grey skies and rain. they are each a gift from God Most High to you.

but to be honest, some days it is easy to forget and to go on facebook and to waste my time and to forget to pray all the while keeping up a "good image." those are the times when i have to remind myself that today is a gift. "my" time really is not my time. it's God's time and it's God's day; it all God's!

"Dear Father, please forgive me for wasting the gifts that You give me each day. I pray that Your Spirit that is living inside of me will convict me when i am wasting Your time. Please also fill me with Your joy and enthusiasm each day even when skies are grey. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

memories made in mexico (tres)

“why?”

that’s the question that is heard CONSTANTLY around here. 
when it is asked by the four-year-old, sometimes the two-year-old responds with “because that’s why.”

and i have found myself constantly asking that question too.

“why am i here?” “what is the purpose of me being here?” 

ever since the first day here, i have asked God that question. and to be honest, He hasn’t answered how i thought He would...

...i wanted the answer to be something like i am here to change someone’s life. or i am here to bring someone to know God. or i am here to encourage someone. 

and then i realized that all those begin with “i am...” and instead they should be “God is...” 

God is the only Person who can change someone's life. God is the only Person who can bring someone to know who He is. God is the only Person who can bring real encouragement to someone.

 sure, God might use me for some of those things but that shouldn’t be the main purpose of my life. nor should it be the main purpose of my trip. so this leads me back to the “why” question...  
     
and slowly but surely God is showing me that sometimes you don’t have to know why. for example, He led Abraham into a new land and Abraham didn't see the fulfillment of the promises and he probably asked "why" a thousand times but kept on believing. 

Joseph didn't know why his brothers sold him into slavery, he didn't know why he was unjustly thrown in prison, he didn't know why he was forgotten for so long in prison but he kept on believing. 

there are so many other people in the Bible who didn't know why something was happening to them but they kept on believing...I want to be like that. I want to “live by faith, not by sight...” (2 corinthians 4:7)  

next time you wonder "why" just remember, in the words of the two-year-old "because that's why...because that's how God wants it to be in your life...He is using it for your good."

because that's why. 

memories made in Mexico (dos)

after living for 2 weeks in a city with around 1.5 million people it starts to sink in...

God sure loves people.

and each one of those people has a life. has a personality. has a soul and a spirit. has dreams and aspirations. has struggles. has friends. is looking for purpose and meaning. is being pursued by God and His love. and some of them are running away from God. some of them are running towards God. some are running but don't know where. 

that last group of people break my heart. but it breaks the heart of God more. and he knows each of those people by name. He knows their hearts and their minds. He knows everything about them. He made each one of them and has know them since the creation of the world. 

these reminders have opened my eyes because i was wondering what my purpose for being here in Guadalajara was and is. and at first i was convinced it was helping my cousins (which it is, partly...) and then i thought it might be changing peoples lives...

 but why me? why should i be the one to ‘change lives?’ what makes me so special? is it just because i am from the united states? do i think i am better than the beautiful people here just because i was born in a country of plenty?

NO! everyone is equal at the foot of the cross. we all have struggles and we all sin and we all need Jesus Christ. everyone. and Jesus loves everyone. He loves every single person on this planet and He created everyone and knows each one of us by name. 

Jesus loves you.

Jesus loves me.

Jesus loves every single person here in Guadalajara. and He knows each of them by name. 

He is the one who is going to be changing lives here. not me. yeah sure, He might use me but life isn’t about me...

life is about Jesus. 

and so, after being reminded of the simple-yet-not-so-simple truths, i have been remembering that God has a plan for this city. He is the God of this city. not me. He is in charge. not me. He loves each and every one of the 1.5 million people here in Guadalajara so much more than me. and He is the ONLY one who can change lives. 

Jesus is the God of this city.

Jesus is the King of these people.

Jesus is the Lord of this nation.

and greater things are still to be done here! 

(with or without me. because life is about Jesus and what He is doing in the hearts and lives of the Guadalajarans!)