embrace this.

yesterday I joined a group who went to a local church to help construct a roof for their building.

in the morning we prepared sandwiches for lunch and we also prepared our hearts because we didn't know what awaited us. after a drive down bumpy roads and past hills scattered with half-built houses, we arrived at this roof-less church with 6 church members working. after greeting them with hugs and kisses, we started communicating about how they were planning on building the roof. they had one steel truss setting on the structure. so after much talk, complete with full translation and some laughing, we decided together to build more trusses out of wood.

the church members went off to buy more wood and the rest of us measured all the angles and got to building a template. it took us quite a while to figure out a pattern and a good rhythm but soon we were flying through truss-making and setting them on the roof.

then it was lunch time. we squeezed under the tarp for shade and enjoyed a meal together.

during lunch we chatted. and we got talking about struggles and hardships in life. lots of wisdom was shared. and we were reminded to embrace the struggle.

embrace the struggle.

one of the guys shared though that this is easy to say when you're not struggling. it's a nice little saying but in the midst of a struggle, it's hard to embrace it.

true.

but when you embrace the struggle, you're willing to lean into the learning that God has for that season. when you embrace the struggle, its a reminder that He is God and He has a plan. when you embrace the struggle, you remember that this is all a part of His plan. all a part of what He has written for your story. all a part of what He wants you to struggle through and learn from.

this was a good reminder for me. am I embracing this time as nanny-jodi? am I embracing each day? am I embracing the girls? am I embracing each lesson that God is teaching? am I embracing every opportunity?

am I embracing this life that God has given me?

some days it's easy to embrace this time here in Mexico. on those days the sun shines, and the kids smile. on those days we laugh and eat ice cream. on those days we play endless games of tag and hide-n-go seek and continuously ride the swings at the park.

and other days, my heart longs to be back on the farm. I see pictures of strawberries and I wanna run home and be farmer-jodi. I long to go and pick and sell those berries. on those days, I am also reminded of my family at Harbor House and I remember my friends there and my heart breaks because I miss them. I also remember the ministry that I was involved with back home and my heart breaks.

and so here I am, with my heart being pulled in many directions. here I am struggling between all these things that I love. and here I am, embracing it. embracing this time. striving to embrace this mix of emotions. embracing this struggle.

as I mentioned, some days it is hard to maintain this perspective, of embracing the struggle.

on those days, I read colossians 1:15-20 "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body,  the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent. For in Him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross."

when I remember who Jesus is, what He has done and that He has a plan for this world and for me in this world, I trust and I embrace this life He has given me. I strive and embrace whatever He allows to come my way because I trust in Him and in His plan for me. I know that He is using all things to teach me and to mold me into the person He has created me to be.

so then, it was back to building we went... after we had a break, complete with popsicles, of course!

and soon, our church friends were back with more wood, sodas and tacos! so we, of course, had to take another break! that break turned into a praying party for our new friends and their church.

talk about embracing whatever God brings your way. sometimes we make our plans, and sometimes getting things done become the focus, but not this day.

this day, we embraced our new friends. we embraced their hospitality. we embraced God's plan for that day. and at the end of the day, we embraced our new friends goodbye!

embrace this. embrace this life that God has given you. embrace what He had set before you. He is God. He is in control and He has a plan.

embrace Him.

June 3.

on this day, five years ago, I stepped into a 10-week adventure in Guatemala with Paradise Bound Ministries.

God's leading to that place was so sure. His grace throughout that summer was so abundant. the lessons He gently taught my heart are ones that I still remember to this day.

He brought into my life so many precious people, both in the team members and in the Guatemalans I had the privilege of becoming friends with.

when this day has come up in the past, those are the thoughts that I try and think.

but tonight.

tonight was different.

good 'ole facebook reminded me this morning with memories, memories of a long post I wrote 4 years ago, highlighting those good times, and I thought "awww, that's cute." and I moved on because that summer was also hard, oh so hard.

so I did.

until more facebook scrollin' later that night. and I came across a post from Paradise Bound Ministries:

"This afternoon Fuego erupted beyond what we've ever experienced before. In addition to the ash, lava is rapidly covering villages and there are dead and injured throughout the ... area ... near La Reyna where PBM has worked for years, built 158 homes... We cannot reach anyone in the village, but we know there is death all around that area." 

and that's when I broke. I broke down and cried.

and in my mind flashed the 7 families that I led house-builds for. their precious faces, their beautiful children.

my mind also replayed the drive to La Reyna, down the bumpy roads, around the mountains, past the barbed wire fences, through narrow streets and catching glimpses of 'lil children with their faces peeking through overgrown bush to watch 3 white vans drive into their small village, hoping to catch some dulces come flying out of the windows.

and seeing Mt. Fuego in the distance, smoking and rumbling.

and now. I wonder what it looks like.

honestly, I don't like the picture that my mind paints, of lava, of ash, of smoke, of destruction and devastation.

oh God, why?

like I said before, June 3 is a hard anniversary because that summer was hard. sometimes I wish I hadn't embarked on that adventure to Guatemala 5 years ago. so now, I just pass by this day like its any normal day and move on.

but not today.

God knew.

this day. June 3.

He wanted me to remember its not about me.

sure that summer was hard. yes, God used it to teach me. I learned so much. I grew so much. I am thankful for that summer.

but now, wow, I am praying. praying oh so hard.

 those 7 families are forever locked in my memories. I don't think I will ever forget their smiles, their hugs, the way they would say goodby to me every afternoon "hasta mañana juuudiiiiiiiiii"

and so I pray for protection for my friends. and I remember that His heart breaks even more than mine does, because I know just a few of these families, but He knows them all. and He has a plan for each one of them.

here I am, in this mess of emotions and memories and heartache. and God is gently reminding me of who He is. He is the God of miracles. He is.

throughout the process of writing and crying, remembering memories and looking up old pictures this song was on repeat: God of Miracles

"I believe in you. I believe in you. You're the God of miracles... the God who was and is to come, the power of the risen One, the God who breathes the dead to life, you're the God of miracles, you're the God of miracles."