June 3.

on this day, five years ago, I stepped into a 10-week adventure in Guatemala with Paradise Bound Ministries.

God's leading to that place was so sure. His grace throughout that summer was so abundant. the lessons He gently taught my heart are ones that I still remember to this day.

He brought into my life so many precious people, both in the team members and in the Guatemalans I had the privilege of becoming friends with.

when this day has come up in the past, those are the thoughts that I try and think.

but tonight.

tonight was different.

good 'ole facebook reminded me this morning with memories, memories of a long post I wrote 4 years ago, highlighting those good times, and I thought "awww, that's cute." and I moved on because that summer was also hard, oh so hard.

so I did.

until more facebook scrollin' later that night. and I came across a post from Paradise Bound Ministries:

"This afternoon Fuego erupted beyond what we've ever experienced before. In addition to the ash, lava is rapidly covering villages and there are dead and injured throughout the ... area ... near La Reyna where PBM has worked for years, built 158 homes... We cannot reach anyone in the village, but we know there is death all around that area." 

and that's when I broke. I broke down and cried.

and in my mind flashed the 7 families that I led house-builds for. their precious faces, their beautiful children.

my mind also replayed the drive to La Reyna, down the bumpy roads, around the mountains, past the barbed wire fences, through narrow streets and catching glimpses of 'lil children with their faces peeking through overgrown bush to watch 3 white vans drive into their small village, hoping to catch some dulces come flying out of the windows.

and seeing Mt. Fuego in the distance, smoking and rumbling.

and now. I wonder what it looks like.

honestly, I don't like the picture that my mind paints, of lava, of ash, of smoke, of destruction and devastation.

oh God, why?

like I said before, June 3 is a hard anniversary because that summer was hard. sometimes I wish I hadn't embarked on that adventure to Guatemala 5 years ago. so now, I just pass by this day like its any normal day and move on.

but not today.

God knew.

this day. June 3.

He wanted me to remember its not about me.

sure that summer was hard. yes, God used it to teach me. I learned so much. I grew so much. I am thankful for that summer.

but now, wow, I am praying. praying oh so hard.

 those 7 families are forever locked in my memories. I don't think I will ever forget their smiles, their hugs, the way they would say goodby to me every afternoon "hasta mañana juuudiiiiiiiiii"

and so I pray for protection for my friends. and I remember that His heart breaks even more than mine does, because I know just a few of these families, but He knows them all. and He has a plan for each one of them.

here I am, in this mess of emotions and memories and heartache. and God is gently reminding me of who He is. He is the God of miracles. He is.

throughout the process of writing and crying, remembering memories and looking up old pictures this song was on repeat: God of Miracles

"I believe in you. I believe in you. You're the God of miracles... the God who was and is to come, the power of the risen One, the God who breathes the dead to life, you're the God of miracles, you're the God of miracles."