abiding.

home.

the farm.

west michigan.

my family.

the place I longed to be at when I lived in mexico for 5 months.

the place that I lovingly refer to as my little piece of heaven.

the place where I am known. the place where I am loved. the place where I have a place and purpose. the place that taught me so much about work, about diligence, about life. the place that I call home.

- - -

I was told that when I arrived home and settled into life here again, I would be wrecked for the ordinary. I was told that I wouldn't be able to live the 9-5 life anymore (I mean here on the farm it's more like 7am-9pm, hah!). I was told it would be hard to adjust. I was encouraged to get counseling to help me walk through this transition. I was encouraged to stay in mexico and continue with the mission work there.

yet, here I am, transitioning back into this "normal" life here in west michigan.

and it's hard.

and this is where the devil attacks. he tells me that it's "more christian" to live in mexico and serve God there. he tells me that here you aren't involved with as much ministry as you were there so are you even a christian anymore? he reminds me on the days that I am busy, busy with the farm and my job at harbor house and school and babysitting and seeing my friends, that I didn't take enough time to read my bible, pray and journal.

I know.

my head tells my heart that these are lies.

and yet, some days, my heart still believes the lies.

and its hard.

its hard to find joy and purpose in the working on the farm, in the prepping of upcoming college classes, in the everyday mundane.

on those days, I remember. I flip through old journals. I find the pages that I wrote in mexico. I read the promises that God reminded me of while I lived there. and I rest there.

 I remember how He showed Himself oh so faithful. I remember the ways He showed me His love. I remember the lessons He taught my heart. I remember what He spoke over and into my life.

I remember that one night. that one night when a team was there. it was map night, the night where we laid out a giant map and prayed for this world. and I just sat there. I was tired. it had been a long week. and I wasn't ready for the next one to begin. and while I sat there, exhausted, one word came into my head. it was on repeat.

held.

just be held.

and so I cling to that. to that promise that He is holding me. He is holding me close.

 He held me there, He carried me through those hot days. He carried me through those long weeks. He carried me through those struggles. He carried me through those frustrations. He carried me through the good times and the hard times in tijuana, mexico.

and He is holding me.

and He is reminding me here of Truths about who He is, about who He has created me to be and how He is calling me to live.

- -

the other day the sermon at church was about the calling of saul. and how, when God called to him on that road to damascus, he now understood the fulfillment of all the old testament promises. God had finally done what He had promised to do in sending a messiah. YESUAH CAME and TABERNACLED AMONG US.

after this new calling, saul, now called paul, went away in arabia [galatians 1:17] and then, after threats to his life in jerusalem, paul was sent home to tarsus by the brothers in jerusalem.

"it is believed that after paul's conversion, he went home to tarsus to work in his family's business, to study and to abide in Christ...[during this time] paul asks God to confirm what His vision for his life is. [then] paul went off to the known world and preached the gospel of Jesus Christ and became the greatest missionary that ever lived."

paul goes home to work with his family's business of tent making.

paul studies.

paul learns how to abide in Christ in his everyday, daily life.

then.

he goes out to the world and preaches Christ.

but it is only after he allows himself to rest, to abide in Christ, to be held, to be reminded of Truth.

paul had no idea that he would be called to travel throughout the known world and become the greatest missionary that ever lived. he was faithful. he trusted God's plan and learned how to live for Him so that when the time was right, God called him and he was ready to go.

- -

and so.

here I am.

at home, on the farm, in west michigan. working. studying. abiding.

now I am not claiming to be paul nor am I hoping one day to becoming the second greatest missionary that ever lived. but a lot can be learned from the life of paul. he trusted God in the everyday, mundane of working in the tent-making business with his family. he was faithful in the little things. he didn't know that God was going to one day call him to travel the known world and preach Christ crucified. he didn't know what lay ahead. he was just faithful where God had placed him for the moment.

and so I trust that same God. that same God who called paul is the same God who calls me and you to abide in Him.

be held.

and so, whether God calls me to stay here or to go, I will be faithful. I trust Him.

"it is no longer I who live, it is Christ who lives in me." [galatians 2:20]

keep your eyes above.

here I am. in tijuana, mexico.

the past month has been oh so full. so full of learning. of growing. of new friends. of ministry. of laughter and tears. of many emotions. of house builds. of soup kitchens and orphanages. of van rides. of memories. of youth groups. of dance parties. of beach nights. of seeing God at work. of seeing His plan. of reminders of His faithfulness.

 < team #1 at the soup kitchen.

< team #1 at el Refugio
                                          a home for the disabled/elderly.

house build with team #1 >

 < the build staff and the family from week #3

team #2 at the soup kitchen >

 < a snapshot from our visit to

                                                           the community at the city dump

team #2 after a work day at an orphanage >

 < the sweet family that received a home during week #1

like I said, these past few weeks have been so full. I am blessed beyond measure to be a part of the mission adventures here in tj. but in the midst of these adventures and ministries, there are struggles and heartaches and tears and hard times and unknowns and upset plans. 

a few days ago, I was living into these frustrations and disappointments. one of my dear friends here came up to me, pulled me aside, prayed over me and spoke truth into my life. With the help of the Holy Spirit, she saw that I was focused on these petty problems and wasn't living with the joy of the Lord. 

"give God your disappointments. 

don't live into these frustrations. 

don't let your emotions control you. 

focus your eyes on Him. 

Keep your eyes above the waves. 

Find your joy and strength in Him and Him alone."

after we had prayed together, as I was reflecting on what was spoken, I thought about the story of Peter walking on water in Matthew 14. 

"Lord, if its you, command me to come to you on the water." 

I can so relate to Peter. I feel like I've said the same thing to God. "Lord, if its you, command me, lead me, guide me to go where you lead." ...and He led me here. to TJ. and He called me to stay for the summer. so here I am. 

and just like Peter, it is so easy to get caught up in the moment of walking on water, or doing ministry, or living life, that we take our eyes off of Jesus. 

and we start to sink.

and we call out. 

"Lord, save me." 

we call out thinking that we are all alone. we call out thinking that He left us. we call out thinking we have to do it ourselves. we call out because we we look around us and see the waves and the storm. 

but He is there. 

"immediately, Jesus reached out His hand...

 
...and took hold of him, saying

"o you of little faith, why did you doubt?

o you of little faith, why did you take your eyes off of me?

o you of little faith, why do you not trust me?

but while He is asking this question, He is still holding Peter. He is still holding us. He is not upset that we doubted. He asks in the most loving way possible.

Why do we not trust His promises? Why do we take our eyes off of Him? Why is it so easy to doubt?

I don't have answers but I do know that He is faithful. and His promises are sure. and His love is constant. And His grace is unconditional. and His plans are for good.

This week has begun and another team arrives tomorrow. no matter what happens, or how crazy this week is, or what the future holds, I will strive to keep my eyes above the waves and focused on Jesus because I know he is with me and will never leave me.

amen.

embrace this.

yesterday I joined a group who went to a local church to help construct a roof for their building.

in the morning we prepared sandwiches for lunch and we also prepared our hearts because we didn't know what awaited us. after a drive down bumpy roads and past hills scattered with half-built houses, we arrived at this roof-less church with 6 church members working. after greeting them with hugs and kisses, we started communicating about how they were planning on building the roof. they had one steel truss setting on the structure. so after much talk, complete with full translation and some laughing, we decided together to build more trusses out of wood.

the church members went off to buy more wood and the rest of us measured all the angles and got to building a template. it took us quite a while to figure out a pattern and a good rhythm but soon we were flying through truss-making and setting them on the roof.

then it was lunch time. we squeezed under the tarp for shade and enjoyed a meal together.

during lunch we chatted. and we got talking about struggles and hardships in life. lots of wisdom was shared. and we were reminded to embrace the struggle.

embrace the struggle.

one of the guys shared though that this is easy to say when you're not struggling. it's a nice little saying but in the midst of a struggle, it's hard to embrace it.

true.

but when you embrace the struggle, you're willing to lean into the learning that God has for that season. when you embrace the struggle, its a reminder that He is God and He has a plan. when you embrace the struggle, you remember that this is all a part of His plan. all a part of what He has written for your story. all a part of what He wants you to struggle through and learn from.

this was a good reminder for me. am I embracing this time as nanny-jodi? am I embracing each day? am I embracing the girls? am I embracing each lesson that God is teaching? am I embracing every opportunity?

am I embracing this life that God has given me?

some days it's easy to embrace this time here in Mexico. on those days the sun shines, and the kids smile. on those days we laugh and eat ice cream. on those days we play endless games of tag and hide-n-go seek and continuously ride the swings at the park.

and other days, my heart longs to be back on the farm. I see pictures of strawberries and I wanna run home and be farmer-jodi. I long to go and pick and sell those berries. on those days, I am also reminded of my family at Harbor House and I remember my friends there and my heart breaks because I miss them. I also remember the ministry that I was involved with back home and my heart breaks.

and so here I am, with my heart being pulled in many directions. here I am struggling between all these things that I love. and here I am, embracing it. embracing this time. striving to embrace this mix of emotions. embracing this struggle.

as I mentioned, some days it is hard to maintain this perspective, of embracing the struggle.

on those days, I read colossians 1:15-20 "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body,  the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent. For in Him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross."

when I remember who Jesus is, what He has done and that He has a plan for this world and for me in this world, I trust and I embrace this life He has given me. I strive and embrace whatever He allows to come my way because I trust in Him and in His plan for me. I know that He is using all things to teach me and to mold me into the person He has created me to be.

so then, it was back to building we went... after we had a break, complete with popsicles, of course!

and soon, our church friends were back with more wood, sodas and tacos! so we, of course, had to take another break! that break turned into a praying party for our new friends and their church.

talk about embracing whatever God brings your way. sometimes we make our plans, and sometimes getting things done become the focus, but not this day.

this day, we embraced our new friends. we embraced their hospitality. we embraced God's plan for that day. and at the end of the day, we embraced our new friends goodbye!

embrace this. embrace this life that God has given you. embrace what He had set before you. He is God. He is in control and He has a plan.

embrace Him.

June 3.

on this day, five years ago, I stepped into a 10-week adventure in Guatemala with Paradise Bound Ministries.

God's leading to that place was so sure. His grace throughout that summer was so abundant. the lessons He gently taught my heart are ones that I still remember to this day.

He brought into my life so many precious people, both in the team members and in the Guatemalans I had the privilege of becoming friends with.

when this day has come up in the past, those are the thoughts that I try and think.

but tonight.

tonight was different.

good 'ole facebook reminded me this morning with memories, memories of a long post I wrote 4 years ago, highlighting those good times, and I thought "awww, that's cute." and I moved on because that summer was also hard, oh so hard.

so I did.

until more facebook scrollin' later that night. and I came across a post from Paradise Bound Ministries:

"This afternoon Fuego erupted beyond what we've ever experienced before. In addition to the ash, lava is rapidly covering villages and there are dead and injured throughout the ... area ... near La Reyna where PBM has worked for years, built 158 homes... We cannot reach anyone in the village, but we know there is death all around that area." 

and that's when I broke. I broke down and cried.

and in my mind flashed the 7 families that I led house-builds for. their precious faces, their beautiful children.

my mind also replayed the drive to La Reyna, down the bumpy roads, around the mountains, past the barbed wire fences, through narrow streets and catching glimpses of 'lil children with their faces peeking through overgrown bush to watch 3 white vans drive into their small village, hoping to catch some dulces come flying out of the windows.

and seeing Mt. Fuego in the distance, smoking and rumbling.

and now. I wonder what it looks like.

honestly, I don't like the picture that my mind paints, of lava, of ash, of smoke, of destruction and devastation.

oh God, why?

like I said before, June 3 is a hard anniversary because that summer was hard. sometimes I wish I hadn't embarked on that adventure to Guatemala 5 years ago. so now, I just pass by this day like its any normal day and move on.

but not today.

God knew.

this day. June 3.

He wanted me to remember its not about me.

sure that summer was hard. yes, God used it to teach me. I learned so much. I grew so much. I am thankful for that summer.

but now, wow, I am praying. praying oh so hard.

 those 7 families are forever locked in my memories. I don't think I will ever forget their smiles, their hugs, the way they would say goodby to me every afternoon "hasta mañana juuudiiiiiiiiii"

and so I pray for protection for my friends. and I remember that His heart breaks even more than mine does, because I know just a few of these families, but He knows them all. and He has a plan for each one of them.

here I am, in this mess of emotions and memories and heartache. and God is gently reminding me of who He is. He is the God of miracles. He is.

throughout the process of writing and crying, remembering memories and looking up old pictures this song was on repeat: God of Miracles

"I believe in you. I believe in you. You're the God of miracles... the God who was and is to come, the power of the risen One, the God who breathes the dead to life, you're the God of miracles, you're the God of miracles."

this is a holy moment.

some days are good days. and some days are hard days.

some days are filled with sunshine and some days are cloudy.

some days its easy to be joy-filled. and some days its easy to allow hard circumstances to dictate how we feel.

the past week has been hard.

hard because sometimes I allow my expectations to become the focus and I don't allow room in my heart for grace when things don't go how I want.

God is teaching my heart a lot about this. about grace. about His grace towards me and how He is calling me to extend it to others.

there is grace and for that I am thankful. His gentle faithfulness and love is always with me.

 but that doesn't mean He keeps me there - in the mix between unmet expectations and frustrations. He gently speaks grace into my heart and reminds me that He is with me in every moment.


like I said, this past week was hard. there was a lot of little joy-moments but I allowed myself to stay focused on the ugly and the crying and unmet expectations |because, you know, the enemy knows our weakness|

in the midst of this time of heart-struggling, during a moment of quiet and diving deep into His Word, God reminded my heart that this, this moment right now, is a holy moment. He called me to fall to my knees in worship, and I did. I fell down and cried and allowed my heart to worship Him for His grace.

throughout that day, He reminded me of that moment. that holy moment.


at the park, pushing my dear sweet girls on the swings - this is a holy moment.

spending mornings and learning in the preschool - this is a holy moment.

in the cafeteria, eating in community and conversing about the day - this is a holy moment.

sitting and watching the sky be painted by a creative God - this is a holy moment.

adventuring to an ice cream shop with friends - this is a holy moment.

having a tea party for all the moms here at the base - this is a holy moment.

eating cake with my roommates on the floor at 11pm - this is a holy moment.


covering our faces with stickers and making silly faces - this is a holy moment.

building a house for a dear family - this is a holy moment.

|all the painting, all the laughter, all the dancing, all the conversations, all the building, all the work - all holy|

everything. all things. the in-between. the mundane. the adventurous. the crying. the discouragement. the unmet expectations. the joy. the sorrows.

He is here. He is with you. Worship Him.

it's easy to say all this, while I sit, facing the Pacific Ocean, watching the sunset, that this is a holy moment. God is here. He is with me. He is good. and He is here.

but do I really believe this?

when days are hard - this is a holy moment.

when expectations aren't met - this is a holy moment.

when days are filled with more crying than smiles - this is a holy moment.

because the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost, God, our infinite, all-powerful and personal God, is with us all the time. in every moment. He is here.

and He calls us to worship Him.

This is a Holy Moment.

it doesn't meant that all of life will be easy. nor does it mean that we forget about all the hard or the bad or the frustrations and pretend they don't exists. it means we set our hearts and minds on what is important. and so we join Paul in saying "yes, and I will rejoice." |philippians 1:18|

God has drawing my heart back to Paul's letter to the philippians. and I have been reading it over, and over, and over. so much there for my heart to be reminded of.

|I'd encourage you to go and read the whole letter and allow yourself to be challenged by Paul's exhortation and let the promises encourage your heart|

"rejoice in the Lord, always: again I will say, rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand: do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." |4:4-7| 

"oh Father, help my heart believe and remember that you are with me throughout the whole day. that you have called me to worship you in the good times and the bad. that all my life is a holy moment. that I always am in your Presence because you are always with me. this. right now. is a holy moment. open my eyes and help me stay my focus on you no matter what comes my way."

this is a holy moment.

open your eyes, receive His love for you and fall down in worship.

who we're becoming.

 a lot has happened in the past week. a lot of ministry. a lot of adventuring. a lot of tacos. a lot of dancing. a lot of laughter. a lot of heartache. a lot of learning. a lot of growing. a lot of struggle. a lot of forgiveness and grace. a lot of remembering to trust and rest in the promises of God.

God has been reminding me that everything that happens is a part of His plan for our lives. All that happens is to teach us, to grow us, to stretch us and to mold us into the individual He created us to be.

it's easy for me to have the mindset, especially during a season of focused ministry, like I'm a part of here on this YWAM base, that I should blog each week what God is teaching me that week. but there's something wrong with that statement. that statement makes it sound like God is only teaching me 1 lesson a week.

in reality, He is teaching me many lessons each day!

so this blog post is going to walk through many of the lessons I have been learning this past week, along with just some fun stories and pictures!


the other day, some friends and I adventured to an area down the road that has some beautiful cliffs dropping off into the ocean. we bundled up, because, believe it or not, it gets cold here, and sat and watched the sunset. sadly, it was pretty cloudy, but we still enjoyed beautiful fellowship. we chatted about what God has been teaching us and how we can be praying for each other.

I shared how God is teaching me to move on from my past and how to learn the lessons He has taught me and allow Him to lead me into new places with Him.

my friend, Dorothee, shared that God encouraged her one time to thank Him for her past. she shared that God told her to look and see what He had taught her through it and to give thanks. even in and through struggle and hardship, God is teaching. He is using it all to draw you closer to Himself.

thank Him for struggles because He has a plan to use it for good.


the next day was Friday, the day I have the opportunity to sit in the dts classroom. the teaching was on hearing the voice of God. and we practiced listening. the teacher encouraged us to take 30 minutes and examine our hearts, pray to God to speak to us and write down what He said in a letter form, starting with the words "dear jod..."

with God's help and the Holy Spirit inside me I wrote a letter from God to myself. here's some of it, not to boast or seek honor or glory for myself, but maybe to encourage your heart to believe what my heart needed to hear that day:

"dear Jodi,
...I am here for you because I created you and i love you. abide in me. rest in my love. and move on. look. see what I have done in your life. I was there at your birth. I was there through every moment. I planned every moment.
look. see what I taught you. see how I protected you. see? oh, how I love you. and all the heartache was to grow you. I know it was and is still hard but see how I have used it in your life?
I know you. I love you. trust me. I am faithful and true. I will never fail you. I will never leave you.
I led you here. trust me.
I am holding you close,
your Father"

this letter encouraged my heart. God is leading me. through every day and in every moment. He is faithful. and He has a plan for me.

then it was off to the beach!

it was the weekend and so we packed up 2 mini vans with 18 people and drove to the beach at Ensenada. it was a beautiful day of fellowship, laughter, tacos, mangos and surfing (for those brave enough to get in the cold water ;)

thank you God for sunny days and dear friends and the beach!

this weekend was dia de los ninos - or kids day! it was celebrated at church on sunday and on monday our dts group went to a local village and held a kids day for the children there.  this was a fun day of bonding with, working with, laughing with and serving with the other dts students. together we blew up balloons, filled piñatas and walked around the village and invited kids. when the kids showed up, along with their parents, we played games such as musical chairs, jumprope and other games that I learned while we were playing them, hah!

it was beautiful to see the dts students serving and blessing others each in their own individual ways, especially the family that I nanny for. at one point during this night, I looked around and saw both of the parents chatting, in english, with one of the local dads. even though this family might not be as involved with the food assembly line that we created to get everyone fed that night, they were able to use their gifts of loving on people and share their hearts with this dear man and listen to his story.

Praise God for His plan for our lives and placing us in different situations to be used for His glory. He knows best because He knows all.


on tuesday, I celebrated dia de los ninos again but this time in the heart of Tijuana at Zone Kids (the ministry to children in the red light district).

I had been feeling discouraged that day and a lot of me didn't want to go but God strengthened my heart and I went. and He blessed my heart through this dear kids. these dear kids break my heart because of their life situations but they are filled with so much joy and love you can't help but be blessed by spending time with them and playing games with them and pushing them on the swing and popping balloons together.

oh to understand the depths of God's love for these children.

oh to understand the depth of God's love for this world.

oh to understand the depth of God's heart for this world.

and because of His love for this world that He has created, He has a plan for this world. He has a plan for my life in this world to share His love for this world.

and through that process, He is drawing my heart closer to His heart.

oh what a mystery.

Wednesday and Thursday were hard days because the family got sick. but even though they were hard because they were different and different days are hard to walk and work through as a child when all things are different, God taught my heart a lot.

I sat in the classroom on Wednesday because nanny-jodi wasn't needed. that's when God reminded me about His heart and His plan. the speaker spoke about God's plan and His will and how we can know what it is. and maybe, just maybe God's will is more about who He wants us to be than what we actually do.

are you becoming the person He has created you to be?

"it's not about what we're doing. it's about who we are becoming in the process." - mark batterson.

you are His masterpiece.

your life is not an accident. do you believe this? He has a plan.

He has a plan. through whatever you are walking through, He has a plan for you.

and the plan that He has for you is good. He is using your life experiences to shape you into the person He desires you to be.

who are you becoming?

we are His children.

on monday, which is our sabbath day, after a girls brunch, the curtis family, my roommate abby and i adventured out into rosarito to an orphanage. we drove around, went up and down and around bumpy roads until we came to our destination, a brick house behind a white stone wall. after some horribly awkward introductions (they didn't speak english and we tried to speak spanish but mine isn't the greatest), we awkwardly stood around until one the kids, pablo, brought out a flat yellow ball and threw it around. 

but, kids are kids. thankfully, when you play you don't need to speak much... except maybe to understand the rules of the games, haha. in the beginning, I was playing ball-tag with the kids and I was running around hoping that I was playing it right! from there, we started doing gymnastics and cart-wheels and having races "corre, corre, rapido!" (run, run, fast!)

in the midst of these games, I tried to converse with these precious children my limited spanish. so I asked them the basics "what's your name?" and "how old are you?" and they asked me the basics "do you have children?" and "do you have a husband?" and then, the one that broke my heart "do you have a mom?"

yes, yes I do.


and the reason that you are here is because you don't.

wow. talk about putting a face to brokenness and heartbreak.

after running around, trying to understand the rules of the games, laughing, doing many cartwheels, holding hands and making friends, all too soon it was time to go.

and so we circled up, held hands and prayed.

gracias, Jesus, por tu amor - thank you Jesus for your love.

this past Friday, I had the morning off and sat in the dts classroom. the topic of the week was the Father Love of God. throughout the Bible, we read about and see the Father heart of God.

ephesians 1:4 --> God dreamed about you before the world began. He has a plan for your life.

jeremiah 1:4 --> before the creation of the world, He called you and appointed you.

psalm 139 --> He knows all of you because He created all of you.

jeremiah 29:11 --> His plans for you are good. all His thoughts towards you are good. He has a purpose for you and for your life.

philippians 1:6 --> He will complete the work, the good work, He has begun in your life.

my God is a good Father. yes, there are things in this life that I don't understand why He allows them to happen, like allowing children, precious children, to grow up without a mom or dad, but He is control. He is charge. He a good, good Father.

and He has called me to be His child.

He is calling you to be His child.

and all you have to do to live as His child is ask Him. He is there for you. He is ready for you. He already loves you. He has already called you and He is just waiting for you to call Him.

and if you confess your sins, He will forgive. And He will send you His Spirit to live inside you.

God, our Father God, the God of the universe, promises to make His home with whoever loves Him and keeps His Words (John 14:23).

God in you.

and ask Him, He will come: "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." (John 14:18)

He will not leave us as orphans.                                                                                                                          

He loves those precious children in that orphanage more than we will ever know. He has a plan for them that is beyond our comprehension.

He loves these precious girls i nanny for more than i will ever know. He has a plan for them that is beyond our comprehension.

He loves me more than i will ever know. He has a plan for me that is beyond my comprehension.

He loves you more than you will ever know. He has a plan for you that is beyond your comprehension.

Gracias, Jesus, por tu amor - thank you Jesus for your love.

Amen. 

these precious little hands

what I do around here can be summed up in 2 words "little hands."

those hands are numerous.

they could be the hands of the precious girls i nanny for, the hands of the adorable children i see, clean and hold in the preschool i help out at here on the base or the hands i played with at Zone Kids* which is a ministry to the kids in the red light district in Tijuana.

awwww, so cute, right?

yeah, these kids are pretty cute and i keep reminding myself of the awesome privilege i have to love on all these children.

but then there are "those" days. we all know those days right? the days where runny noses are plentiful, where obeying is a struggle, where you don't understand enough spanish to "get by," where your expectations get in the way and where God breaks your heart and you don't know what to do with your own brokenness.

so here i am.

and God knows. and that's the beauty of it.

He knows.

the other night, some of the dts students and i went to hear dan baumann speak (he's an amazing man, used of God - his story). his story is amazing. i was blown away by the goodness of God, the love of God and His amazing plan for our lives. oh friends, God is good. God knows. He does.

He knew this week would break me. He knew i needed to be reminded of Truth. and so before the week began, He encouraged me through this man. God loves me. God has an amazing plan for my life. and this, this season here in Mexico as nanny-jodi, is a part of His story for me and His story for this precious family i'm serving here.


remember those days? yeah. those days where your expectations ruin everything because your day didn't go according to your plan?

today was that day. eh, let me rephrase that: this week didn't go according to "my plan."

expectations are odd things. we create in our minds what we think should happen before we have begun that said thing and then when things don't go as we think we get frustrated because we think we are in control.

remember the goodness of God? remember, He knows best.

anyways, i came to Mexico and i had expectations. i thought i knew what to do and how to nanny and i thought i knew it all. i thought i knew best.


i don't.

tonight i was reminded of this Truth (that God knows best) thru a speaker who shared during our weekly worship time. he talked about namaan in the Bible. in 2 kings 5, we read about this commander who had leprosy. this man heard about Elisha, the man of God who could heal him. so Namaan went to Elisha. and Elisha sent his servant out to meet Namaan and the servant told the commander to go wash in the Jordan river.

Namaan went away sad and upset because not only did he not talk to the prophet, but he was told to wash in that dirty Jordan river. Namaan knew of better, cleaner and closer rivers to wash in. why would he go there?

Namaan had expectaitons. he thought the prophet would honor hims by talking to him face-to-face. he thought the prophet would honor him by waving his hand over his leprosy and he would be healed. he thought the prophet would honor him by telling him to wash in a cleaner river. he thought. he thought. he thought.

just like i think. i think i know best. i think i deserve the best. i think i deserve honor. i think.  i think. i think.

but God knows best.

and spoiler: Namaan does go into the Jordan River and he washes himself there. and not once. not twice. but seven times. and he is healed.

God knows.

He has plans for us, good plans.

God is working in us and He will finish it.

Allow Him to break your expectations. Trust in His plan even if it is a crazy as washing yourself seven times in a dirty River. Trust Him. He knows best.

*let me tell you about Zone Kids! this ministry is amazing! and again, God's ways are beyond our comprehension. He allowed me to meet the leaders of this ministry thru the girls i nanny before i was even invited to go along! God is good!

While the girls played with the children of the leaders of Zone Kids, i was able to hear about their heart for these kids in the red light district and how the ministry was started. God orchestrated this couples meeting and their hearts for these kids. and through prayers and discerning God's will, they started this ministry, kinda like weekly vbs, for these kids a few years ago. and it has grown to include their moms!

so every Tuesday at 2:30, the zone kids team meets for prayer and preparations. and then they head off to the heart of Tijuana. When they arrive they set up games and toys for the kids who are between toddlers and middle schoolers. They kids play for about 45 minutes and then the younger kids go to a lesson and craft while the older kids can either learn guitar or photography! And while the kids are playing and learning, the moms are fellowshipping over cups of coffee, encouraging each other and learning about Jesus too!

all this is done at a local park in downtown Tijuana but the leaders informed me that they just were able to purchase property so their presence there can be more consistent!

i am so excited to become more involved with this amazing ministry every Tuesday while i'm here!

i'm here!

hello from the YWAM base here in Tijuana!

honestly, it feels like i've been here for a very long time and then i remember that it's only been 4 days. and other times i still feel like a rookie because i don't know that many people (and there's a lot of people here) and the girls and i are still getting to know and trust each other and we haven't adjusted to the schedule here yet. so there's just a mix of emotions.

and it's in this beautiful mess of emotions and feelings, that i trust God's plan. He brought me to this place. His leading was so sure that even in these moments of doubt and hardship and of breakdowns and crying, i trust Him.

and so here i rest. trusting in His plan.

 my prayer as i embarked on this journey was that i would be content with God has given me. i went out for lunch with a mentor of mine the day before i left and i shared some fears with her about how maybe i wouldn't have friends or how i might not get along with my roommates, and she asked me why i am going. i said to love on 4 precious girls. her response was "is that not enough for you?"

is that not enough for you?

is each smile, each flower they pick for me, each hand in mine, each time they yell out "jodi"and come running to me to give me a hug not enough?

this year, on January 1, i started reading thru the Bible in one year. and so the other day, my assigned reading was 2 Samuel 12, which is where nathan the prophet rebukes david for his sin with bathsheba. because most of these stories are not new to me, my prayer is that God would reveal something new to me each time I read these familiar stories. in the midst of Nathan rebuking david for his sin, he points out all the blessings that God has lavished onto david. and then he said this:

"...and if this were too little, I would add to you as much more..."

wow, talk about a slap in the face. why are we not content with all the blessings God has given us? here i am in Mexico, complaining. how immature. how rude of me to discard all the blessings God has given me and wish for more?

He has untrusted me the privilege of loving on these girls.

and when i stop and look around, i wanna slap myself in the face for not being thankful for all that God has blessed me with. why is it so easy to focus on all that we don't have? i don't wanna live this way. i desire to live a life of gratitude. to thank Him for every little thing.

to thank Him for the friendships I have made over a taco lunch after church yesterday.

to thank Him for each conversation with my 3 roommates, whether that's in the bathroom as we get ready for bed or an invite to play volleyball.

to thank Him for each sunrise and sunset over the Pacific Ocean with a perfect view of the painted sky from my bedroom.

to thank Him for leading me to this place.

to thank Him for his grace and gentle leading as i learn these lessons of gratitude.